Thursday, November 25, 2010

LETTERS TO OOM SCHALK - Opportunities Lost

Dear Oom Schalk,

I am delighted to tell you that we have water in the Colony, enough for the crops, the cattle.... and the brandy, at sunset on the stoep.
Ruminating, this morning, as one does when in the company of cattle, it suddenly became clear to me that when we got the Daphne's - that's when I realised that we had lost the fight against the "Total Onslaught".

What were we going to do with Submarines? There was no credible threat to our coastline!

The Russians were not going to land at Blaauberg - it was easier for them to to rape a path from the top of Africa down - anyway they were petrified of Magnus Malan! The Yank's, having just beaten themselves up in Vietnam, had no desire to replay the process - the Germans were too busy busy dealing with the squatters in East Berlin and the Pommies were still licking their wounds from the last time they tried to make a move on us. They got beaten by the Blacks and the Boere - those Red Coats will never come back!

So... apart from scaring the living kak out of a few perlemoen poachers, what did we need with submarines?

Simple...! We had done an "Arms Deal"! We bought underwater boats called Daphne's from the French and if my memory serves me correctly, we got a free Peugoet assembly plant thrown in for job reservation creation. That is where the downfall started and it came with insult added to injury! The Russians had sub's called Stalingrad Class. The Yank's - Poseidon's, the Pommies had Trident's - all strong warrior type names. "Ons Boertjies", we had to buy Daphne's!

Okay, to be honest, we didn't have wide range of suppliers to choose from due to sanctions, but to buy underwater ships from people who eat frogs legs invites bad omen's. I mean frogs legs - that's not food - that's like eating Kentucky Chicken without the meat!

Ja Oom Schalk - that's when it started going vrot - they had no sooner been delivered to Simonstown and we realised they were left hand drive and you know how we hated the left. This was followed  by those irritating people from the Press bombarding us with awkward questions, forcing us to entertain their probing... and them for 180 days, whilst we enacted "preventative legislation" which made them less inquisitive!

When John Vorster passed the baton - we went from submarines called Daphne to a Krokodil called PW... and the Afrikaaner Dream begun to take on water. As the tide of opinion condemning South Africa rose, FW took the helm and pulled the plug on our whole nationalist dream... we ended up with that bloke from our Youth League called Kortbroek and there was the bullet through the church!
(Postscript to future generations:  Be aware of Youth League's - the home of under achieving adults.)
...Kortbroek eventually gave up and tried to re-invent himself as a "struggle bunny", by joining the ANC... our dream then drowned... !

Actually, now that I really think back, our demise started when we bought those aeroplanes from the French - The Mirage - as a nation we probably put too much faith in mirage's...

When the Mirage was past it's sell by date, we tried to re-engineer things and presented it to the world as a Cheetah... the world saw a leopard - with the same old spots!

Ja Oom Schalk, Ja Nee, opportunities lost!

Die uwe,
Spyker Koekemoer
25 November 2010

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